


Gardenia

by beargrove



Category: Block B
Genre: Hanahaki Disease, Happy Ending, M/M, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-13
Updated: 2018-01-13
Packaged: 2019-03-04 10:37:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13362861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beargrove/pseuds/beargrove
Summary: Minhyuk nods but doesn’t look up, doesn’t want to see whatever expression is on Yukwon’s face when he says, “They’re growing for you.”





	1. Chapter 1

He should really have been more prepared for this, though he’s sure thats what everyone thinks when it starts. Still, he’s not surprised, he’s honestly more resigned than anything, as petals fall from his mouth into the bathroom sink. Minhyuk stares at them, brow furrowed, until someone knocks on the door and startles him. “Be right out!” He shouts, gathering the petals and shoving them in his pocket for the time being, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand before opening the door. It’s Yukwon, because of course it is, standing outside, fist raised to knock again with a worried expression. Minhyuk hurries past him without a word, making his way back to the practice room where Jihoon is busy stretching.

Jihoon looks up as he enters, but if he senses anything off about Minhyuk he doesn’t mention it. Yukwon walks in a few minutes later and Minhyuk doesn’t look at him, just focuses on his own stretching. He knows he’s acting cold and he knows it’s going to bother Yukwon, but he can’t help it. The backup dancers start to file into the room and he stands, takes off his coat and gently places it in the back of the room, so no petals fall out of his pocket while he’s dancing. He catches his stylist giving him a look from the back of the room and shrugs apologetically before getting in place, waiting for the music to start.

They dance fine, the new Bastarz choreography coming relatively easy now that they’ve practiced it several times. When the song ends, Minhyuk goes to retrieve his coat and leaves without so much as a nod to the other members. He feels guilty, but he knows how this sort of thing always ends. Knows that in a year, the flowers inside of him will have rooted, curling around his heart and lungs, crushing them and making him unable to breath. He’s going to die and it’s because of his own stupidity. So it’s better, he thinks, to become cold and distant. Maybe it will hurt the others less when he’s gone.

When he gets home, he shuffles into his kitchen and sighs, collapsing into a chair. His phone has been buzzing and he knows its Yukwon, or maybe even Jiho, asking what’s wrong with him. He turns it off without looking at the messages and pulls the petals he coughed up that morning out of his pocket. They’re small and soft, pale yellow in color. He rubs one between his forefinger and thumb, frowning. He should probably tell his manager, or at least Jiho, but he doesn’t trust either of them to not tell Yukwon, or force him to get the surgery.

He should get the surgery.

He’s not going to get the surgery.

It’s too much, the thought of not loving Yukwon. It makes him sadder than the thought of dying, because at least if he’s dead he doesn’t have to face Yukwon. To look him in the eye and have him know that there used to be something deep there, something that Minhyuk had to have removed. No, he’s going to let this kill him, because he’d rather that then look at Yukwon and feel nothing. Besides, the surgery isn’t perfect. People lose the ability to feel love at all, and that’s not something his romantic heart can take.

It’s a bit of a blessing that Block B is on down time and it’s just Bastarz activities he has to deal with. Having to avoid the whole group while they’re together would be harder, with Kyung being so observant and Jaehyo being so nosey. All he has to deal with right now are Jihoon’s hurt glances at him when he thinks Minhyuk isn’t looking, Yukwon’s worry and frequent attempts to reach out, and the petals.

The petals are definitely the most annoying. They don’t wilt or die, he knows they won’t as long as he feels like this. He’s started to cough up seeds as well, and they hurt, scratching his throat and wrecking his voice for the rest of the day every time it happens. His apartment is covered in loose yellow petals, especially the bathroom and bedroom. He goes out one day and buys a bunch of soil and ceramic pots on a whim, placing them randomly around his apartment. He shoves every seed into the dirt, not really knowing why. They grow fast in the soil, just like they grow inside of him. They’re gardenias, he looks up later, after the flowers have fully bloomed in their pots. Pale yellow gardenias, meaning _secret love_. Minhyuk wants to hate them but he can’t. How can he hate the physical manifestation of his love for Yukwon? So he tends to them carefully, though unnecessary. They grow just fine on their own.

After two months, he takes to shoving mounds of petals into garbage bags and leaving them on his balcony. He can’t bring himself to throw them away, afraid of someone seeing, afraid of anyone aside from himself knowing. He can’t get rid of the smell though, all of the petals and fully grown flowers in his home making the scent cling to him even when he goes out. It’s on his skin, his clothes, his breath. He can tell it’s noticeable, especially when sitting on on a small couch with Yukwon and Jihoon in interviews, or when they practice for a while and he’s breathing hard. At first he tries to mask it with cologne, but the scents just mingle together and the looks he gets from staff whenever he walks into a room aren’t worth it.

When it’s been three months, he can tell Yukwon’s getting fed up with how he’s been keeping everyone at a distance. Jiho texts him often, usually just about work, but Minhyuk knows he’s really just keeping tabs on him. Yukwon still tries to corner him every so often, and says that if he needs to talk that he’s there for Minhyuk, and it hurts. Yukwon is so caring and kind, and he just wants to help, but Minhyuk’s problem is the one thing he can’t talk to Yukwon about. After four months, it’s slowly getting worse. He copes by staying in, only leaving to do schedules. He never sees or talks to the other members, aside from Jihoon and Yukwon, and even then he avoids interacting with them as much as possible. Jihoon seems to have accepted this new reality and ignores him as well, which Minhyuk would find childish if he wasn’t the one who started it. Yukwon’s eyes seem to follow him everywhere however, usually worried, sometimes angry.

Minhyuk takes to writing letters to the members when he feels particularly low. Apologies for his behavior, for not telling them, for being so stupid. He puts them in envelopes and shoves them into a no longer empty drawer in his kitchen. He stops when he starts having trouble closing the drawer because it’s so full. Before this he didn’t think he’d ever have so much to apologize to his loved ones for.

Minhyuk continues on in his new normal for another month before Yukwon takes matters into his own hands. It was another busy schedule day and Minhyuk was exhausted, the vomiting taking more out of him lately, and he just wants to go home and sleep. He parks his car and shuffles into his apartment building, oblivious to the world around him. After he unlocks his front door and moves to step inside and close it behind him, a hand smacks against the door, holding it open. Minhyuk starts and whirls around, relaxing only slightly when he realizes it’s Yukwon.

“Yukwon, what the hell?” He stands in the doorway, blocking Yukwon’s entrance into the apartment. Yukwon scowls, and it’s such a strange thing to see him do that Minhyuk says nothing else, just stares.

“Wow, you remember my name, I’m flattered.” Yukwon is more pissed than Minhyuk knew he was even capable of being. “That’s the first time you’ve spoken directly to me in fucking months, Minhyuk. Move, I’m coming in. We need to talk.” He shoulders past Minhyuk and Minhyuk sighs, closing the door.

He moves to sit at the kitchen table, gesturing for Yukwon to take a seat too. Yukwon sits beside him and looks around, face scrunching up. “So this is why you always smell like flowers. This is what you’ve been doing? Gardening?”

Minhyuk opens his mouth to say something, anything, but what comes out are petals, not words. He coughs wetly, buckling over in his chair when the pain of it wracks through his chest. When it’s over he takes a moment to breathe before sitting up, dropping the petals onto a pile on the table in front of him. They’re starting to come up tinged red from his blood now, and he wipes at a petal with his thumb, rubbing it clean.

“Oh.”

Minhyuk nods but doesn’t look up, doesn’t want to see whatever expression is on Yukwon’s face when he says, “They’re growing for you.”

He’s met with silence for a moment, before Yukwon laughs. Minhyuk can tell it’s out of nervousness, but the sound makes him smile regardless. It’s been months since he heard Yukwon laugh.

Yukwon stays over that night. Minhyuk is at a loss for what to do, not having allowed himself to enjoy being around Yukwon for so long. They don’t talk about it, and for that Minhyuk is grateful. He doesn’t know what he would say if Yukwon asked. Instead they talk about Bastarz, about how Minhyuk needs to apologize to Jihoon, and the rest of their friends. Yukwon sleeps on the couch and Minhyuk curls up in his bed, falling into an uneasy sleep.

He wakes up to Yukwon in his kitchen, nibbling on the breakfast he’s made for both of them, staring at a pot of the gardenias thoughtfully. Minhyuk takes a seat next to him at the table and Yukwon smiles softly at him, sliding a plate of food over. “They’re pretty,” he says, nodding at the flowers.

Minhyuk hums, gaze flicking between the flowers and Yukwon’s face, “Yeah.”

Yukwon leans back in his chair and crosses his arms, suddenly serious, “How long has it been? Five months?”

Minhyuk nods, looking down at his plate. Five months, meaning he only has about seven left. Yukwon sighs and Minhyuk looks up at him, heart twisting at the sad expression on Yukwon’s face. Yukwon stares at him for a moment, eyes sad, before stating, “I’m moving in.”

Minhyuk blinks at him, “You’re what?”

“I’m moving in. My lease is almost up anyways, so instead of renewing it, I’m going to live here, with you.” Yukwon’s not asking, he’s telling, and Minhyuk shrugs.

“Yeah, okay. If that’s what you want.” Minhyuk picks at the rest of his breakfast, suddenly flustered. He doesn’t know what reason Yukwon would have to want to be close to him suddenly, not after he’s found out about the flowers. He’s not going to say no, though. He’s missed Yukwon so much.

Yukwon smiles, satisfied, and stands. “I’m gonna go pack. I’ll be back later. You should make me a key, yeah? See you.” He hesitates, then quickly leans forward to press his lips to Minhyuk’s before pulling away immediately. His expression stays neutral and Minhyuk can only gape at him as he leaves the apartment. After a moment he raises his hand to his lips and laughs in disbelief as petals surge up and out of his throat.


	2. Chapter 2

While he packs his things, Yukwon thinks hard about the situation. Minhyuk being in love with him is something that’s hard to wrap his head around. He loves Minhyuk, of course he does, he’s known him for years, and they’ve always been close. Yukwon wonders when it started, and why he didn’t notice at first. Now that he knows, it’s easy to remember times where Minhyuk’s looked at him in a way he didn’t look at the other members. Times his hands had lingered too long on Yukwon’s shoulders or back.

He doesn’t love Minhyuk in a romantic sense, but would it be so hard to try? Yukwon thinks Minhyuk is attractive enough, sure, that’s not a problem. He’s funny and kind, he loves to dance, they’re in the same two bands. They like the same restaurants and the same songs. He thinks about how he had kissed Minhyuk before leaving. He’d thought maybe it would solve something within him, maybe there would be fireworks and he’d realize suddenly that he loved Minhyuk in that way too, but that’s not how it works.

Minhyuk has been sick for months, and been hiding it, which means he’s already decided he wouldn’t be getting the surgery. Yukwon tries to not think too hard about it, about what that means. He assures himself that logically, falling in love with Minhyuk is the only way to fix this, so that’s what he’ll do. People fall in love all the time, so how hard would it be to fall in love with someone you’re already close to, who you know loves you?

When he gets back to the apartment a few hours later, Minhyuk has had a key made for him and helps him unload his things and bring them into the house. Minhyuk only has one bedroom, and Yukwon can tell he’s agonizing over where Yukwon will want to stay. He smiles and tells him, “I’ll take the couch, is that okay?”

Minhyuk nods, both relief and disappointment clear on his face. They unpack his things together, putting his clothes in Minhyuk’s closet and dresser and the rest of his things staying mostly in boxes, shoved into a corner of the living room.

Yukwon spends a lot of time watching Minhyuk. He watches the way Minhyuk reacts to things he says and does, watches his cheek dimple when he smiles, watches his face flush with shame and embarrassment each time he doubles over in a coughing fit. 

Yukwon makes him apologize to Jihoon in person the next time they have a schedule, though of course neither of them say why Minhyuk had started acting cold in the first place. Jihoon just grins wide and pulls Minhyuk into a tight hug, and Yukwon watches as Minhyuk sags against him.

 _He’s touch starved_ , Yukwon realizes later, when he touches his shoulder and Minhyuk leans against his hand, not even seeming to realize he’s doing it. Minhyuk has avoided close contact with anyone for months, so it’s no surprise. Yukwon makes an effort to touch him more often after that, curling up against him when they watch television together late at night, hugging him and touching his arms, his back. It seems to make Minhyuk brighter, more energized than before. He smiles more easily and Yukwon feels a slightly guilty pleasure in knowing he’s the reason.

The first few nights Yukwon lives in the apartment, he sleeps on the couch. He has no problem with this, except for it making him feel a bit like a coward. The point of moving in with Minhyuk was to be close to him, and what's closer than sleeping together? So he makes up his mind that he wants to sleep in the bed with Minhyuk. He waits for Minhyuk to shuffle off to his room one night, before gathering his pillow and blanket and following a few minutes later.

Yukwon gently knocks on the doorframe and Minhyuk turns over, his confused expression clear even in the low light, “Something wrong, Kwonnie?”

Yukwon shakes his head, “I just wanted to ask if I could… sleep in here with you?” He twists the pillow in his hand, suddenly finding himself nervous at the thought of Minhyuk saying no.

Minhyuk stares at him silently for a minute before he opens the covers and moves over, and Yukwon rushes into the room and climbs onto the bed next to him. He gets settled and they lay next to each other in awkward silence before Yukwon thinks  _fuck it_ and turns, wrapping an arm around Minhyuk’s middle.

He feels Minhyuk tense and scoots forward, resting his forehead against Minhyuk’s back. He hears Minhyuk’s sharp inhale and whispers, “Is this okay?” Minhyuk is warm and he squeezes him slightly, hoping to be reassuring.

Minhyuk mumbles, “Yeah,” and relaxes against Yukwon. Sleep comes easy for Yukwon, pressed against Minhyuk. He wakes up first in the morning and leans up on his elbow, studying Minhyuk’s sleeping face. He looks more peaceful than Yukwon has ever seen him. His hair is sticking up from sleep and it makes Yukwon smile, _so cute_. Minhyuk is pretty, he’s always been pretty, with his doe eyes and mouth that’s naturally pouty.

Yukwon stares at Minhyuk for a long time whenever he’s the first one of them to wake up, memorizing his features. The curve of his forehead, the lines of his ears, the delicate shape of his nose. He searches for something, anything that will make him fall in love with the sleeping face in front of him. It causes Yukwon a lot of frustration, because he wants it. He wants to love Minhyuk in the way he deserves, the way he already loves Yukwon.

After a month of living together, Yukwon thinks of a plan to speed up the process of falling in love. He starts taking Minhyuk on dates, though he doesn’t tell Minhyuk that’s what they are. They go out to eat a lot, and just spend a lot of time together out doing things. Yukwon kisses Minhyuk sometimes, quick pecks on his lips and cheeks, and once on his forehead. He likes the feeling he gets when a kiss leaves Minhyuk flustered, his face red. It’s still not enough, but it’s a start in the right direction, he thinks.

Bastarz promotions have come to an end, so they have a lot more free time. Yukwon makes sure Minhyuk gets out to hang out with his friends, and the other members. Sometimes they go together, but sometimes he stays home while Minhyuk is out. He takes time alone to think about Minhyuk, to curl up in his, no, _their_ bed, enveloped in his smell. Sometimes Minhyuk will come home to find Yukwon like that, asleep and clutching Minhyuk's pillow, a smile on his face.

It’s been seven months and Yukwon notices one day that the flowers have started wilting, petals turning brown around the edges. He doesn’t mention it but it worries him immensely, because he doesn’t know what it means. They grow out of love, so wouldn’t the only answer be that they wilt when the love is gone? He stares at the potted gardenias in front of him, frowning. Is Minhyuk falling out of love with him because they’ve gotten closer and he realized Yukwon wasn’t what he wanted? The thought of it makes Yukwon’s heart clench, though he isn’t sure why.

He watches Minhyuk even closer for the next month, and realizes he doesn’t cough as much, and when he does, the flowers are no longer coated in blood. Minhyuk seems happy, and doesn’t notice the change like Yukwon has. He doesn’t act different towards Yukwon either, and Yukwon doesn’t know what to make of it.

It’s been nine months now and Yukwon is sitting alone in a secluded cafe, flipping through his phone’s camera roll. He stops on a picture of him and Minhyuk, a selfie he had gotten Minhyuk to let him take one of the last times they went out together. Something about it gives him pause and he stares down at his phone trying to figure out what it is when it hits him. In the picture, they’re both grinning, but Yukwon isn’t looking at the camera, he’s looking at Minhyuk. He looks so happy, because he _was_ happy when they took that picture. He remembers the day clearly, they had gone out to eat at one of Yukwon’s favorite restaurants, and ended up taking a walk around nearby park, just talking. Minhyuk had hesitantly taken Yukwon’s hand to hold, and it had made Yukwon feel warm inside, and he had pulled out his phone and pressed close to Minhyuk, snapping a picture.

He starts to call Minhyuk before really consciously making the decision to, and the phone only rings twice before Minhyuk answers with a quiet, “ _Kwonnie_.”

“Minhyuk, I love you.” He blurts out, and Minhyuk exhales shakily into the receiver.

“ _I know._ ”

“No, ‘Hyuk, listen, I really really love you-” Minhyuk interrupts him before he can finish.

“ _I know, Yukwon,_ ” Minhyuk is laughing, and the sound of it automatically brings a bright smile to Yukwon’s face despite the urgency he was just feeling, " _I haven't coughed up petals in like two weeks._ ” 

Yukwon laughs too, the sound of it loud in the quiet cafe, and tells Minhyuk, "I'm coming home."

**Author's Note:**

> BBC love to write Hanahaki I've noticed, it's like.... the most common AU I've seen for Block B. But y'all only ever write CRIPPLING SAD ENDINGS that make me depressed so...... I wrote one with a good ending. Also, there's just not enough fic of these boys together, which blows my mind. 
> 
> main tumblr: beargrove  
> kpop tumblr: blockbustah


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